If Only
by Loki Yamimegami
Summary: YAOI! 2/1 1/2 K? Heero contemplates life after Marie Maya and turns to Duo for escape. The poem is MY porperty. Anything else belongs to the creators of GW. Urm, r/r pez


If Only  
  
The perfect soldier sat with his knees drawn up to his chest. His cold empty Prussian blue eyes focus on the small man made pond. Two years since Marie Maya and, still, he was tired. He felt old. so old. So worn, used, and battered. He had wounds he knew would never heal. And yet he felt nothing. He was numb.  
  
His eyes rose to see a young girl fall and scrape her knee. He saw her tears as the little girl wept. Be strong, he thought, it's only a scrape. Don't be weak.  
  
He looked up at the mother. She held and caressed the girl, soothing her with touches and words. Heero was confused. Not only did he not understand pain but he also couldn't understand how a sweet word, a gentle caress could heal pain. Unless, of course the girl wasn't in pain but why then did she cry?  
  
Heero got up, tired of the confusion of his mind. He entered the small office of the sweeper branch. Duo's desk was unattended. Heero Yuy walked out to the back where he found his friend sleeping soundly in a hammock. His hands cupped on the back of his head, his cap pulled down over his face.  
  
Heero reached out to wake up the American but his fingers stopped short of Duo's chest. It rose and fell, his body relaxed. Heero looked into Duo's face, half covered by his cap. How could he find rest? The whole reality around them was a havoc and yet he always found enough peace in the world to sleep.  
  
Heero wished he could have that privilege. Heero wanted nothing more than to lay beside the American and sleep peacefully like him. Heero stood and watched Duo sleep in a new light.  
  
Can I lay beside you, Watch you as you sleep? Can I hold your hand, And feel the world at peace?  
  
Heero clenched his jaw. How long had he been this fond of Duo? How long had he secretly wanted to caress the boy's soft skin, hold his hand? Heero always wanted to live in Duo's world, filled with smiles, being carefree. His world was a world at peace and where he found rest. I want to find peace in your world, he thought.  
  
He knelt beside the hammock and watched Duo's face, his thin smooth lips, the little part between them in which he breathed. Heero could barely resist the urge to touch them.  
  
Can I touch you lips, As you breath? Let me take the risk, Of feeling please?  
  
Heero reached out and nudged Duo softly, a gentleness he never before expressed to the brunette. Duo licked his lips and rolled to his side, yawning. "What?" He murmured. "Aw it school time?"  
  
Heero swallowed. Why did he wake him up? Heero shook his head. "Sleeping on the job?" Duo looked at Heero and smiled. Heero took Duo's cap and tossed it to the side as he stood, looking down at Duo. "Someone could've swiped the shop."  
  
"Not much to swipe from a decrepit business." Duo sat up and looked at Heero, his sensual Maxwell grin in place.  
  
Heero sat on the side of the hammock. Dup drew up his legs as Heero laid back. "What do you dream about Duo? How do you find rest?"  
  
Duo stared at the thoughtful face of the stone hearted perfect soldier. Heero could feel it, his gaze. He was bewildered and confused as he was himself.  
  
"Well. I don't know, a lot of things. as for how I sleep? . On my back?" He offered jokingly.  
  
Heero closed his eyes, using his legs that draped over the side of the hammock to rock them. "How can you be able to relax. To enjoy yourself after all the sins we've committed?"  
  
Duo frowned at Heero. "You don't sleep?"  
  
"Tell me about your dream world, Duo. What's in it?" He asked the hammock rocking the two. Duo once again was silent. "Please?" Heero added, forcing Duo to abide since Heero hardly ever if not never before sounded so. needy.  
  
Can I live in your dreams, Have us never wake? From the harsh reality, That is too much for me to take?  
  
"My friends are all alive. and we're having fun." Duo looked up. "A lot of kids and trees and it's usually nighttime, on earth, where the moon looks like a mysterious orb." Duo smiled and looked down at Heero. He was trying to visualize Duo's world.  
  
"Sound beautiful. and peaceful."  
  
"Heero?"  
  
"Hm?" Duo moved around the hammock, lying beside Heero. "Why do you want to know?"  
  
Heero looked into Duo's concerned cobalt eyes. Heero wondered if he allowed himself to reflect the pained conflict within him to Duo. Duo reached out and touched Heero's cheek boldly. "Duo. I want to live in your dream world. I hate reality... I hate. feeling and living with guilt." He whispered. He sounded so broken, even to himself. Duo frowned.  
  
Whatever made Heero believe that Duo could help him was right but not how Heero expected. Duo neared Heero's face and placed a kiss on his lips. Heero almost yanked back in shock but the feel of Duo's warmth so close to him held his body like a magnet. His arms wrapped around the American's waist. Duo pulled back. "I'll make it all go away, Heero. If you let me. I want to help you."  
  
Heero reached up and touched Duo's lips. He traced them. "Yes make it all go away. even if for a moment."  
  
Please allow me To hold you. Be my escape. This damn world Is too much to take. So can I Lay with you? Hold you? Can I love you?  
  
The two bare bodies held each other close. Heero slept soundly in Duo's embrace. Duo ran his fingers through Heero's hair. He smiled and spoke to him, even in his slumber. "All I ever wanted was to lay beside you. just once." He kissed Heero's forehead and cuddled close to him on the hammock with only a wool blanket between them.  
  
If only I could lay beside you, Maybe I'd find some peace. 


End file.
